Being A Working Mother Was Never My Plan

I wrote this letter to my daughter the day before I had to go back to work. As I wrote it the tears were flowing. WARNING: I am about to get very real. But I feel it is important to share my experience of how being a working mom was never my plan.

Being a working mom is not something that I had ever pictured for myself. I had always dreamed that I would be a stay a home mom and get to spend all day with my children and watch them grow. But it is just not something that we can afford to do right now in our lives. My income helps us a lot and is contributing to our household finances. This is a hard reality that I thought about constantly while being pregnant. My husband and I had countless conversations on how we could make it work with me not working. But the conclusion was and still is that I have to work.

During my maternity leave I tried my best to just think about my time with her and live in the moment because I knew I wouldn’t get that time back. Sometimes I was okay and wouldn’t think about it at all, other days were harder and I would cry. Especially leading up to my leave ending.

The last day of my leave I cried pretty much all day. I was scared of how I would handle the next day at work, scared of how much I would miss her, and scared that our bond that we had wouldn’t be as significant. So I wrote this letter to remind me of the why and that it would be okay for her but mostly it would be okay for me.

I balled the whole time getting ready for work. The tears just wouldn’t stop. She had woken up while I was getting ready and was crying. My husband was having a hard time putting her back to sleep and her little cries were breaking my heart. Making me cry even more. It took everything in me not to run in there and calm my crying baby. It was like she knew I was leaving her,  I mean she didn’t really, but my heart felt like she knew. My husband held me as I cried right before I left to get in my car. He told me I was strong, he was proud, and I was a great mom. I knew when I walked out the door, everything would be different from there on out. Different in that I would be a working mom now and had to split my time between, work, her, my husband, my family, my friends. Something that is pretty hard.

I arrived at work and suddenly stopped crying. I told myself that I needed to dust myself off and look at this positively. My daughter wasn’t going to a daycare, she was going to be spending all day with her Grandma. The most ideal situation possible. I would get to see after work and get all my cuddle and kisses in that I missed all day. I am doing this for my family to be able to provide for my daughter and our family. I have a very supportive and caring manager and team that I work with. I had a lot of positives given the situation.

As soon as I walked in they greeted me with open arms. Everyone was so excited to ask me how I was and hear how Harper was doing. This truly helped me to have a better day. I am very grateful for my work family.

Some days are harder than others. I feel that on Wednesdays or Thursdays are the hardest. It is mid-week and am just really missing her. I live for the weekends so I can spend uninterrupted time with her. Now that I work during the week, I vowed to myself that Sundays are reserved for family time. It has taken adjusting too, not being able to spend time with her all day. We try our best to spend the best quality time together after I get home. But she is my motivation for making it through my work day. She is my reason why I am a working mom. She gives me so much clarity and purpose. If I have to work the rest of my life for her than I will.

This why I decided to pursue my dreams and open my own social media management business. To hopefully one day be able to work from home, still do what I love, and share more time with her. I realized that my dream isn’t to be a stay at home mom, it is to give my family what it needs, and that is all that matters.

 

Want more blog posts? Subscribe to my page!